What Happened to Judith Jane? (II)

 

2. Where is Judith? 

A crippling hangover greeted Esme the following morning when she awakened on the living room floor, head still spinning, beside dried vomit and an empty vodka bottle. “Oh God… I feel like I’m dying…” She moaned while clutching her head that felt twice as heavy than normal. When the blurry haze of her vision cleared, Esme was mortified by her lack of restraint from the previous night. She had gone off the deep end with no way back to the surface. “Dammit…” Begrudgingly, Esme pulled herself up off the ground and staggered into the bathroom where she took a long, painful look in the mirror. Her appearance was appalling. She was ashamed of how ragged she looked. The reflection looking back at her in the mirror wasn’t Esme. The woman staring at her—no judging her was a stranger.

“Stop it…” Esme strained, her voice raspy and parched. “Just stop it! Stop looking at me with critical eyes.” She raised her voice a little, but it ended up hurting because of the dryness. So badly did Esme want to scream. She hated that she couldn’t. “I can’t-I can’t…” The sight of her reflection—her face repulsed her so much. “I hate you, Esme! I hate what you’ve become! What you’ve allowed yourself to become.” Anguished cries were amplified by the bathroom tiles. Esme turned on the shower, stepped in, and sank down into the tub. She cradled herself with her arms and bawled her eyes out for nearly twenty-minutes. 

Dressed in a loose T-Shirt that had seen better days and athletic shorts, Esme (still violently hung over) stumbled into the kitchen, bypassing around the vomit and bottle as she did. There was a time when Esme took care of herself and her home. The old Esme would have stroked out seeing the current Esme ignoring mess. But that was a long time ago. That was a very different Esme compared to the current one. She came to neglect herself and her home in Judith’s absence. Nothing much really mattered to her anymore. Some condiments, a few half drunken water bottles, and some leftover groceries from last week were all Esme had in her fridge. Despite the limited food inventory, Esme whipped up a decent breakfast for herself. Eggs over easy, fried Maple Spam, and slightly stale bread she toasted. It wasn’t the best meal, but it wasn’t the worse either. She made do. 

“You’re awful, Judith…” Esme commented, biting into the toast. “If you really left the city on your own, why didn’t… Why didn’t you take me with you?” Judith wasn’t alone in her desire of wanting to leave Orangeboro; Esme had wanted to leave too. Sadly, her anxiety, irrational fear of failure, and the unknown kept her a prisoner of the city. Judith had the right opinion about Orangeboro: there was nothing of value for her in such a stagnant, depressing place. Camille, Andrew, and Brandon, however, were content with living out the rest of their lives there, which Esme couldn’t fathom. 

Since Esme was a teenager, she dreamed of starting fresh in a new city or even an entirely new state. She wanted to experience a new environment, to meet new people, have new adventures, and re-discover herself in the process. Esme craved that life like her lungs craved oxygen or her body craved nutrition. To achieve that goal, she had to leave Orangeboro behind. Once again, that fear of failure held her back. And since then, Esme's life was stuck on repeat. 

“As I sit here now reflecting on it, I don’t think I’m really mad at you for leaving…” Esme addressed the empty chair across the table, imagining it was Judith sitting there. “I’m mad I was left behind. We could have started over together.” No longer hungry, a sad Esme picked up her half-eaten plate of food and dumped it thoughtlessly into the trash. 

With no plans for the day and off from work, Esme bummed out in her living room back on the couch. The clean pile of laundry that occupied her bed would have to wait another day or two, possibly week, to be put away. Again, the vomit and bottle were ignored. She made a promise to herself she would clean them up later, whenever that was. There were a lot of productive tasks Esme could have occupied herself with for the day, but she chose being idle over all of them. She turned on the TV but turned it down to a barely audible noise level, keeping it on the Sci-Fi channel from yesterday. Esme then reached for her phone on the coffee table and powered it on so she could scroll on social media while she ignored the TV. Dozens of missed calls, angry text messages, and e-mail notifications greeted her when the phone finally turned on. Some of the messages and calls were from her manager asking if she could come in and help with coverage, which she obviously wasn’t going to. Esme’s worried friends had tried getting in touch with her last night to no avail. “I'll figure out how to make it up to them later.” She made the statement like it was a weekly occurrence of hers. 

Combing through the bottom five text threads, Esme’s puffy eyes became wide with stunned disbelief reading the very last thread. She placed a hand to her mouth. “No way…” The word seeped out on a soft whisper. Esme sat up straight reading the message a second time. “There is no way… I… No… No. I don’t believe it!” She tossed her phone to the side. “It’s not real. It’s not.” Esme put her hands to her cheeks and shook her head. “Nope. I don’t believe it.” But then her right hand started itching towards her phone. Esme read the last message again, and then a fourth time, and then a fifth. Her right leg bounced up and down. She started sniffling. “It can’t be. I refuse to believe after all these years—allthese years you would reach out to me now.” Bitter laughter filled the silence of her apartment. 

The last message Esme received...was from Judith. 6:44p.m., as confirmed by the timestamp. Esme turned her phone off around 6:39 p.m. Five minutes. Esme missed Judith's text message by five short minutes. She was cruelly bombarded by a variety of emotions. Disdain. Despair. Resentment. Rage. Betrayal. Guilt. They cycled through Esme like a broken record replaying the same song line over and over. 

Judith’s message: Please, come find me. 

That was all. That was it. No apologies or remorse over ghosting Esme and the others. Five years gone by, and Judith decided to randomly text Esme out of all channels of communications she could have chosen. No phone call or unexpected drop in. The absent woman’s audacious request was downright disrespectful. Esme tasted bitterness in her mouth. Her blood boiled again. Furious. Why did Esme have to find her? It should have been the opposite. Judith should have been hunting Esme down to apologize. Even though she missed her friend, Esme was the person wronged. She had been the one betrayed. And she was still hurting, still trying to recover.  

Esme decided to call the number but to her dismayed frustration the number wasn’t in service. “Judith, are you seriously fucking with me right now?” How was it out of service when she had just used it the night before? The livid woman called the number a second time. The line was still out of service. Aggravated, Esme chucked her phone across the room. It struck the wall, cracking the screen in the process, before it hit the floor. Although it still worked. She paced around the living room, cussing and screaming out of frustration. “Why are you messing with me like this, Judith? Why are you still hurting me after all these years?” Esme wasn’t perfect. She had her shortcoming likes everyone else. She had behaviors that needed some well-deserved improvement. However, she had never once been a terrible friend to Judith to deserve such deplorable treatment. No. That was the one thing no one, not even Judith herself, could say about Esme. Whatever Judith needed or asked of her, Esme did so without complaint. So, why was Judith twisted playing games? And why now five years later after all that time? It disturbed Esme as much as it bothered her. 

Esme flung her hands in the air. “Well I’m not doing it.” She wouldn’t look for Judith. “You disappear for five years without saying a word or a goodbye and now expect me to come looking for you? To Hell with that!” Esme had her mind made up over the matter. She wasn’t looking for Judith even if she came to regret the decision down the road. 

To cool herself down and take her mind off the madness of the situation, Esme cleaned up the vomit and vodka bottle. But she went a step further. Esme decided to purge all memories and existence of Judith from her house and her life. She tossed out the birthday cards Judith had given her over the years, clothes left behind from their nights out, photos. Every last bit of the woman she once called her friend. “You wanted to become a ghost, Judith, now stay one.” Esme muttered as she dragged the trash bag to the bin on the curb. “You left me in the wind. You don’t get to come back and disrupt my peace.” She slammed the lid close with all her force. 

Esme retreated back towards her apartment, chin held high and proud. After spending five years mourning and depressed over Judith’s disappearance, she had found the strength to break free of her obsession. Esme was finally ready to start a new chapter in her life. A chapter without being held back by Judith’s “ghost.” She felt rejuvenated. She felt unshackled. Esme felt more alive in that moment than she had her entire life. 

“You know what? I think-I think I’m gonna’ go on a run today.” She said with a smile plastered from ear to ear. Esme got into running back in college, which was how she, Andrew, and Camille became acquainted with one another. They had all joined the same intramural running club. Esme stopped running after she graduated and began working full-time. The harsh reality of the real world had robbed Esme of her love for hobbies. “Maybe I’ll finally quit my job and find something else-” Her butt connected with the pavement. “Huh?” It was a photo. Esme had slipped on a photo strip that escaped being thrown away. She sat there on the ground looking over the photos for a while. 

Nine months before she disappeared on October 31st of 2018, Judith, Esme, and their friends went bar hopping in downtown Orangeboro. Judith was dressed as Wonder Woman and Esme as a generic fairy. The pair took those photos in a booth with each shot of them making goofy faces. Anti-social as Esme usually was, she enjoyed that night out and was glad she went, even though she ended up with mild alcohol poisoning. Judith took Esme home and stayed by her side until she recovered. Esme began crying reflecting on that fond memory. 

“I’m full of shit. I can't do it. I can't erase you from my life so easily, Judith.” She sobbed loudly. Esme just wanted answers. She wanted closure and an apology. Maybe then they could pick of the pieces of their friendship and move on with their lives. At least, that’s what Esme hoped. “Why did you leave without saying anything to me?” Her tears dripped onto the photo strip. In that moment, Esme’s mind changed. She would look for Judith. Because if Esme didn’t…she would never move on until she had some answers.

 

No one answered Esme when she reached out. Instead of giving her friends well deserved space after ghosting them, she tracked the trio’s location to a billiard hall and bar they sometimes convened at. Camille, Andrew, and Brandon stood around a high-top table, pool sticks in hand, laughing with drinks. When all three felt Esme’s presence, the laughter immediately stopped. Their smiles became lines. Their moods sullied. Six sets of fiery, condemning eyes nearly burned six holes through her body. Esme picked up on their hostility from where she stood near the entrance. She paused and contemplated on how best to proceed next. Her friends were pissed, rightfully so, and the last person they wanted to see was Esme after how she disregarded them yesterday. 

“Hey…guys…” Esme, rubbing her arms, approached the table. No one addressed her back. They continued glaring with those bothered expressions of theirs. It was an awkward moment for everyone present. Esme apologized for yesterday’s unpleasant behavior and ignoring her friends when they tried to check in on her. “My phone was off… I-I needed some time…” was her sheepish reason. Unfortunately for Esme, her apologies were rejected.  

Camille came at the apologetic Esme with a rigid fire in her tone. “We don’t care. Esme, we’re tired. We’re exhausted with you, with these non-stop childish antics of yours. Every time you get upset, you blow up, storm off, ignore us when we check in on you, apologize, rinse and repeat.” She herself sounded exhausted with recounting Esme’s past behaviors. The trio were over Esme and her inconsiderate behavior. They were washing their hands of her. For too long, the three of them had been patient. But no matter how much they supported and cared for Esme she trampled over their feelings every time. Enough was enough. 

Andrew, massaging his chin, asked Esme a series of alarming questions. “Be honest with us, Esme. Do you really want to be our friend? Do you even like being our friend? Have you ever liked being our friend?” The man was tired of worrying about Esme at every interval. He was tired of being a good friend to someone who kept taking their friendship for granted. It started feeling one-sided after Judith disappeared. “We have our own lives to worry about. Our own problems to deal with and can't keep putting your problems ahead of ours.” 

Andrew had his answer when Esme proceeded to dismiss his questions. “There’s something I need to tell you guys right now!” The table groaned at her. Esme just proved their point about her being inconsiderate and self-centered. She just didn’t see it or wouldn’t. “I got a text message from Judith last night!” She told them with excitement. 

Brandon’s eyes rolled. “You were drinking last night, weren’t you?” He didn’t even need an answer for the question. Brandon still smelled the alcohol oozing from Esme’s pores despite her having showered earlier. That was it for the conversation. Brandon was done with the nonsense. “Why were you even drinking? You’re in recovery, remember?” The man was livid, slamming the bottom of the pool stick against the floor. He stepped away from the table for a breather. 

“Judith is gone, Esme… And she’s-she’s probably never coming back either.” Camille was heartbroken over saying the words out loud instead of in her mind. Her hands even trembled from the emotional devastation she felt. Her poor heart ached, but it had to be said. There was always a possibility Judith could have turned up again after a few more years. It wasn’t uncommon with missing persons. However, she didn’t believe it would happen with Judith, sadly. Deep in the depths of Camille’s heart, she had a feeling Judith was gone for good. And if Esme kept it up with her poor behavior, Camille and the guys wouldn’t be around for much longer either.

A rush of fire spread from Esme’s chest to her face. Thump. Thump. Thump. Her heart hammered against her ribs. Her entire body trembled all over as if she were shivering from a cold only she could feel. Esme’s jaw tightened. How dare Camille say something so heinous to her! She wanted to shriek but didn’t want the attention of the bar on her. “I need you guys to fucking listen to me!” Her bloodshot eyes bulged from their sockets. Like the night before, the entire establishment turned and gawked at Esme and her friends. Camille shrank down while Andrew turned his head in embarrassment. “I know… I know I haven’t been a good friend in a while, but we can cross that bridge later. Right now, we have to go looking for Judith.” Esme pulled out her phone and showed the group the supposed text message from Judith she received. They weren’t interested and didn’t bother reading the message, to Esme’s distress. The heat of anger quickly died down. 

Brandon looked over at Camille and Andrew. They wore the same disappointed expressions he did. His eyes, raging with anger, fell on Esme again. “Go home, Esme. Drink some water, take a nap, and sober the fuck up.” He snatched up his phone and bag. “I’ll talk to you guys later.” Brandon addressed Andrew and Camille exclusively. He stormed out of the place. 

“Esme,” Camille sighed, “I think it’s best we all take some space.” Space away from Esme that was. Camille wasn’t sparing the woman’s feelings that time. Esme’s self-destructive behaviors and selfishness were pushing them away from her. No matter how hard they tried, they would never be good enough for her like Judith was. “It pains me to say this, but I think you’re only keeping us around to ward off the loneliness you feel in Judith’s absence.” Esme was rendered speechless. Utterly dumbfounded by the powerful criticism. She wanted to get mad. To be mad but she wasn’t able. The extinguished fire couldn’t reignite. Camille’s words penetrated deep. Esme could only stand there and watch as her last two friends gathered up their belongings. “Esme, you need to take some time and self-reflect.” Camille and Andrew left. They took the warmth with them leaving her with the cold. 

Rather than taking the advice as she should have, Esme disregarded it. She wouldn’t turn her back on Judith like they were doing. Esme would conduct her own search without them. She was fine with that outcome, believing they would have slowed her down. And when Esme found Judith (which Esme believed she would) she would rub the win in their faces for doubting her. “Whatever…” Esme muttered under her breath. She finally took her leave as the others had done before. “I’m coming for you Judith…” But with no leads on her whereabouts, Esme was stranded in the middle of a lake without an oar. “Wait! I know how to go about this!” She said with renewed excitement. Esme would return to where it all began. To the place where her friend disappeared and retrace her path, hoping the trail would lead to Judith at the end.  

Author's Note: I already had 50%-60% of this chapter drafted/pre-written hence, why it didn't take as long for me to finish and get published. Chapter 3 has been outlined, but not started so, it will take me a little longer to get that one published (hopefully not too long. The first two chapters are roughly 6 pages each). I'm also going to simultaneously be working on the most recent chapter of The Girl in the Wych Elm as well.